The Annals of Pseudoconscious Living

The Mirror

2004-12-19T09:00:35Z

Have you ever seen someone that reminded you of someone you once knew? I do everyday. It’s always the same guy too. Every time I see him, I wish he’d just disappear because he reminds me of someone that used to mean a great deal to me. He reminds me of someone that walked with confidence and always tried to do what was right. He reminds me of a guy I once knew that had a sense of purpose and did all he could to help others. He reminds me of a man I knew that lived for God.
The problem is that no one has seen that "man of God" in quite a while. No one really knows where he went or what became of him. He did so much for so many and then one day, he just left. We’ve all waited for him to come home, but it has thus far been to no avail. I, for one, miss him greatly.
That’s why everyday I see this guy; I grow to resent him more and more. He reminds me so much of the “man of God” that I actually begin to expect the same works from him as I grew accustomed to from my friend, the “man of God.” Yet, he constantly disappoints me.
I’ve grown to understand that the resemblance between the two is purely skin deep and that nothing of the “man of God” that I once knew resides within the essence of this urchin I am forced to look upon every single day. It is a truth that infuriates me to the point that I wish this wretched man would simply wither away and be gone from our lives forever. This desire is so strong that I often even begin to devise away to expedite this process. And somehow, I gaze into his eyes on certain mornings and realize that there is still hope for him, that somewhere in him, the “man of God” still breathes. In that moment, we stare at one another for a while, completely aware of the other’s thoughts. We squint our eyes in the hope of holding in the hint of tears that have arisen. Then, with a knowing and hopeful sigh, we turn from one another. We go our ways hoping that when we meet again, the “man of God” will have returned and the war that rages within us will have found its end.

There Are Yet 7000

2004-11-06T17:39:15Z

The lyrics from the previous post are edited for content. They are the words to the song "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day. I don't arbitrarily place lyrics into my writings. It's not a practice I engage in often. However, earlier this evening, I heard this song for the first time. I quickly was drawn to it because, simply put, it is a good song. Nonetheless, upon analyzing the lyrics, I found a sentiment therein that human beings often share.

It seems that regardless of our age or status in life, we are always susceptible to feelings of loneliness and abandonment. This is a truth that seems especially prolific for teens. This sentinment is what leads me to the ultimate point of these first two posts in this journal; the title of this journal.

This journal is entitled "There are yet 7000," as a reminder to me that I am never truly alone. It is a phrase that I derive from the a biblical record of an event in the life of one of my favorite historical figures, the prophet Elijah. While the entire account of Elijah's life and works offers a great deal of life lessons, the focus of this particular excerpt comes from I Kings 19.

For the sake of time and space, it is suggested that readers refer to that text for the entire story. The portion of the chapter that I am choosing to focus on is the 18th verse. It is in this verse that God assures Elijah that he is not the only one remaining to do God's work. He informs him that there are still 7000 that have not bowed to Baal.

There are several lessons to be taken from this one chapter. However, I keep the phrase "there are yet 7000" near to my heart. It reminds me that no matter how lonely and solitary I feel, that there are others who are experiencing the same. It reassures me that when I feel the ideals I believe in are not being upheld and the fight for the moral highground seems useless, that there are others fighting the same battles.

Without delving too much into a complete devotional lesson, it is important to note that this is a lesson that we often overlook as Christians. An individual can often be made to feel as though he or she is the only one remaining that has not given into the difficulties of the world around them. What we must remember as Christians is that not one of us has the power to fight our appointed spiritual battles alone. We are in need of one another in order to succeed. Our collective strength is far greater than our individual limitations. So, to give in to the feelings of loneliness and begin to despair is to forfeit one of the greatest tools we have in this life. Therefore, whenever I begin to feel depressed and alone, I try to remember...there are yet 7000.

Sometimes in Life

2004-11-06T08:09:17Z

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Screwed up and every things all right

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away!